It’s interesting how straight men get up in arms about feminist discourse on heterosexuality. Not only are they threatened because it means fewer women are exclusively sexually available to them, but they have also internalized so much of their socially prescribed attitudes. They feel an intense need to categorize gender non-conforming women that they place them in the “male” gender box-because they’re fulfilling that role by being sexually involved with other women- a territory that is supposed to be controlled and dominated by men. They accuse lesbians of “just wanting to fuck straight women” because they cannot comprehend the idea of humanizing women, valuing them beyond a form of sexual capital. The pressure placed upon lesbians to be predatory, to act like straight men, is an incredibly refined form of lesbophobia. The basic truth is that lesbians are not like straight men, they have nothing in common with straight men. They are women who have been socialized as women. Male socialization requires dominance. Female socialization requires submission. Both require heterosexuality, and the power dynamic is perpetuated via heterosexuality. For a woman to be non-conforming to her gender role shatters the idea that loving and making love to women requires dominance, and acknowledging their social power triggers profound anxiety in men.
signs of an emotional abusive friend/partner
- saying your feelings are wrong or ridiculous if they don’t agree with them
- claiming you’re ‘too sensitive’ if you tell them they’ve done something hurtful
- never apologizing, making you feel as if they’re always right and you’re always in the wrong
- blaming your for their own problems, claiming they have it worse, making you feel guilty for talking about your own problems
- unable to laugh at themselves, really touchy about jokes concerning them, ‘dish it but they can’t take it’ basically
- withholding attention/affection as punishment
- acting like you’re unable to care for yourself or that they know ‘what’s best for you’
- blaming you for all the problems in the relationship
- expecting you to do whatever they want without giving anything in return
- making you feel guilty whenever you assert yourself, ties in with 2 and 3
I’ve experienced and committed a few of these, sometimes being on either side in the same partnership at different times. If the title of this list were “emotionally abusive behavior in relationships” it would be perfect.